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Best Football Jokes Collection

Enjoy best football laughing jokes with our brand new collection crafted just for the football / soccer fans. We are back with another interesting topic on football and this time, you’ll be on floor of laughing with some of the best football jokes. Continue your reading and have a look on these football jokes.

Best Football Jokes Collection

Best Football Jokes Collection

Best Football Jokes Collection

Boy: Wanna go out?
Girl: I have a boyfriend.
Boy: It’s just like soccer, just because there is a goalie, doesn’t mean you can’t score.

I was playing football manager on my computer when I was offered the Scotland job. I knew it was a poor squad with no future, so I declined the offer. I then put the phone down and got back to football manager.

A guy pulls alongside a small boy on the pavement,
I’ll give you some sweets if you get in the car.
No, leave me alone, the boy replies.
Come on, I’ll take you for ice cream later as well, he insists.
The boy suddenly stops and turns to the man and says,
F**k off dad, I’m not going to White Hart Lane again no matter what you say.

Read also: Football quotes on rain

Q: How many Manchester City soccer fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None – they are quite happy living in the shadows.

Did you hear about the Buffalo Bills kicker who tried to throw himself on the floor in a fit of rage? He missed.

Messi is out at a bar, and flirting with a good looking woman. She invites him over to her house, and she goes into the bathroom, telling Messi to get comfortable. She comes back and finds Messi on bed with 2 men. She exclaims, What is going on? Messi, replied, Sorry I can’t perform without Xavi or Iniesta.

A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at Ibrox. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

Fernando Torres: I have a great idea for strengthening our team.
Manager: Good! when are you leaving?

Read also: Quotes on Zidane by footballers

Q: What is black and white and black and white and black and white?
A: Newcastle fan rolling down a hill.

What is the difference between OJ Simpson and the England soccer team?
A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence.

Read also: Quotes on football by Lionel Messi

A Derby County and Middlesborough fan are strolling along Duke Street and suddenly the Middlesborough supporter says “Woooh! would ya look at that dead bird” The Derby County fan looks skywards and says “huh, where?”

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever”, I said.
Sorry, said the fairy, I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.
Fine, I said, I want to die when Liverpool win the Premier League.
OK, said the fairy.
I’m eternal!

They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full.
The Netherlands have not even seen the cup!

Surf the other pages of Footballwood for more interesting articles.

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About Roman Borissov

Roman Borissov
Roman studied at Mainor High School in Estonia. After he went to University of Tartu for obtaining Master of Arts degree in specialization “Design and development of virtual environments” in 2009. Few years later he has founded BRO OU Company, which maintains web projects like Footballwood.com. Roman played football for the University of Tartu in a position of a midfielder for 3 years. He truly loves this game and happy to be part of that world. MSc. Editor has many projects to maintain, but Footballwood is one of the favorites. “Our project is inspired by a passion for that magnificent game, which I played since childhood. And today we are happy to connect our life and work with football”, this is how Roman describes Footballwood. Personal contact: [email protected] Also, visit page “Contact US” if you want to know more about Roman’s company.